j'essaie de grandir

Growth is difficult, especially when things in life feel emotionally possible to get through. People tell you that certain things shouldn’t bother you, get you down, or make you overthink. But this isn’t true. It’s misleading. I am allowed to not be okay. You are allowed to not be okay.

I’ve been going to therapy for a few months, something I do not feel the need to shout to everyone I know. But I thought it may be helpful to point out that talk therapy CAN help. I am learning to grow, and I am learning to not be okay. I am learning that some things in life were not my fault, that I am not crazy, and that my reactions and anxiety are quite normal regarding the things I went through in my past. I have PTSD and severe anxiety from struggles and relationships from years ago. But this is okay. I am learning that people can LOVE and that people do CARE, and those people in my life who do, mean so much.

Today I am fighting with self worth, depression, and hating myself. I’ve been trying to push the feelings aside and bury them, but they keep popping up, refusing to drown. Days like today are tough to push through, but I’ve been telling myself that it is okay to rest and okay to indulge in doing “nothing”. I shot a few photos of my plants because they look healthy and they are stretching their little branches and stems towards the sun. They signify growth. Many of my plants I’ve had for years, and they continue to grow despite being repotted, trimmed, and moved back and forth. I think a lesson and wisdom can be learned from that.

étude de la petite vie

This world is filled with so many small things that nobody notices. Life is solely based on self with rare for instances of love and kindness towards others. There is a strange lacking in the appreciation of little things and of things that mean so much and create so much beauty. They are ignored. Crushed. Swept away for the shiny bright shallowness of the self and how many likes and notices a person can get on a screen.

There is a quiet peace and wholeness when one sees past the facade of “importance”. What is important to you? Find what is true and real. Most of the time it lies in what is not apparent. Be yourself and embrace what makes you who you are. Put others first and yourself last. Don’t look to others to “save” you, but rather look inward for that.

I took these photographs to clear my mind and to shed some focus on small plant life that usually gets crushed beneath feet, or cut down and thrown away. I want to show that there is beauty in small things and I’m leaving these photos up for personal interpretation.